What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Have you ever heard of the god Priapus being the same as the god Phosphorus?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

What are the potential economic consequences of the U.S. following Europe's lead on climate policies, as discussed in the article?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Who's your celebrity crush?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

What happened to The Simpsons deleted onscreen footage?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Can the belief of not worshipping Christ held by Jehovah's Witnesses be disproven using scripture alone?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

What is the difference between heaven and heavens?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

I committed the unpardonable sin. God immediately punished me so that I can no longer think like before and my brain is as if paralyzed and does not work. I've tried everything (confession, repentance, etc.) nothing helps. Any advice?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

What discoveries in AI research have changed our understanding of intelligence evolution?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

TEXT:

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Atheists, there is a god up there in heaven and he loves you so much that he sent his son to die the worst death imaginable and then to turn into a zombie all to save you from sin. Why do you reject him?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

What was the first Native American tribe to inhabit Long Island, NY?

Make Nazis afraid again!